avlagsen_stjarna | Reach for the stars

Reach for the stars

Hjalmar was currently staring through his telescope, which he had now placed just behind the tour bus. He had set it up after realising that the bus would be stopping for a few hours while the drivers took a rest. That and it was the bathroom stop for everyone to visit the facilities close by. The Swede wasn't drunk out of his face which was something of a miracle in itself. The night was still young and Hjalmar had decided to ditch the bottle for a few hours so he could get some decent stargazing in.

"What can you see? Oh, that one looks like a giant cock!"

The telltale sign of drunken giggling could be heard behind the guitarist who had his right eye firmly jammed in the eyecup of his telescope. The tripod's feet firmly dug into the grass so it couldn't be knocked by drunken rockstars.

"Good evening, Erik. Trust you to think of that. Would you like to have a look? Robert's cock isn't up there though, sorry to disappoint you."

Erik gave his friend a slight hair ruffle and then nodded, wanting to take a peek. Hjalmar moved out of the way so the younger Swede could put his eye into the view finder and what a sight! Erik gasped when he saw the night's sky lit up like a million lights all on brightly against the pitch black empty maw of space. It was infinite and Erik was so glad it was a dark night with no cloud because light pollution often tainted the whole aspect of stargazing.

"We're lucky tonight. LA can be a bitch to try and stargaze since all the lights but tonight the gods are smiling down at us."

Hjalmar sat next to Erik on a make-shift seat, which happened to be a wooden crate as he watched his friend, pulling out a cigarette to smoke. Erik was marvelling at all the different constellations, not knowing what they all were but was fascinated none the less.

"Oh, this one looks like Gilly the tart! It's got it's hands on it's hips and sort of looks like a tart."

Hjalmar just snorted out a laugh because it was clear Erik was drunk and not thinking clearly. Still, the description involving the cluster of stars was amusing. He exhaled into the night's sky wondering what the others inside the bus were getting up to. Drinking, fucking, talking, sleeping. Maybe all of the above. Who else would venture out to witness the dark haired Swedes stargazing he wondered.

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Erik looked a bit confused at first but then what Tom said made sense. Bjorn. Of course. Rekker might take it the wrong way and think the boyish Swede was referring to his blond bitch.

"I wasn't talking about Bjorn. In our language björn means bear which is also Bjorn's name. Maybe I'll not say that around Rekker because I wouldn't want to piss him off."

Hjalmar nodding, agreeing with his friend, whilst listening to Tom and raising a brow at what he said regarding the crazy Fin.

"Aarne is obsessed with the stars too? I thought he was more obsessed with that Brit bassist's cock."

"I know. Robert teases Rekker all the time about Bjorn's name." Tom knew he shouldn't say this but Rekker deserved it for all the torment he dished out to Tom when they were younger. "He asks where his bitchy baby bear is."

Hjalmar's comment got a laugh from the older Brit. "He has enough energy to be obsessed with 20 things."

To be honest, Tom wouldn't be surprised if he was obsessed with that many things. Tom might even be able to list a lot of them by this point.

"Bitchy baby bear? That is still cute though. Just like cheeky Erik here and his sötnos."

The drunken Swede noticing Erik giving him the playful middle finger. Hjalmar often teased his friend about Robert being Fluffig and whatever else named Erik called his older Brit. Aarne---he was on another level. Joe seemed to be able to keep up with his high energy though.

"He's loud, drunk, high and totally fucking crazy but Joe loves him. Those two always seem to go around half naked all the time. That's normal I'm guessing."

"It is an apt description."

Tom smiled at the playfulness between the two. Sometimes he saw glimmers of how it was being a teen with Robert and the nostalgia felt good.

"He's a good kid. Always one of the first to try and cheer people up." Tom had noticed that about the Fin, among all the crazy behavior. "Aarne goes on stage about naked most nights."

It was obvious to Tom that the drummer wasn't physically shy at all.

"Yeah, he seems that way. Fucking high as a kite and crazy but a loving kind of guy. Joe and him seem to click and never go anywhere without each other."

Aarne being naked on stage didn't surprise Hjalmar at all and he was fine with it. Whatever floated the crazy Fin's boat. The band needed people like Aarne around because he was raw energy but a good kind that could help cheer people up.

"It's funny because when I joined this tour I didn't expect to befriend Erik so quickly. We like the same things and get drunk falling into flower beds and shit."

"Relationships like that should be cherished." Tom knew that all too well after a failed marriage and then finding the love of his life in the most unexpected place. "There are a few relationships on the tour that instantly clicked."

Tom watched the dynamics. When a new band showed up there was always a risk of someone not getting along. So far it was mostly just some bitching and the more aggressive members shuffling for dominance. Nothing out of the ordinary as far as Tom could tell.

"You should pray to the stars it wasn't Robert that found you crushing the flowers."

"You're right, they should. I'm amazed at how quickly the bands got along with one another from what Erik told me. You're always going to get a few that bitch, tart and fight with one another but what tour doesn't have a bit of drama along the way?"

Hjalmar had seen a lot of shit in his time and this tour seemed mostly well-behaved compared to some he'd been on. This one was the biggest he'd ever been with though and the most crazy.

"I know Robert likes flowers since Erik keeps telling me about this cottage he wants to visit after the tour is over. He's besotted with Robert. It's cute though because he sleep talks when drunk."

"There were a few knockdown-drag out fights at first." Tom mentioned. "Even now Rekker, Viktor, and Damien are still bashing heads for dominance and Mikkel isn't the best mix with some of the others."

The scuffles had calmed down but they still broke out. He had heard about a couple. He turned away from that thought for something more pleasant.

"Robert, and to an extent Rekker too, believe life is sacred and damaging living things is something they are both reluctant to do." Except Rekker damaging himself, Tom thought but he didn't say that, not now. "A lot of you talk in your sleep when drunk."

"There were? I must have missed those. The punks I'm guessing. That Viktor boy is a brute, isn't he? Cocky bastard with more mouth than muscle so I've heard from others."

Hjalmar hadn't really spoken to the Brit punk much but he'd heard a few tales from the Danes regarding the bull-headed boy. He loved fire too. Robert liked flowers which got a nod from the guitarist.

"Erik tells me about Robert's sex cottage he wants to visit once the tour is over. He just wants a fuck in the greenhouse I reckon."

That got a laugh from the Swede.

"That is for the best." Tom had endured so many headaches from the more aggressive and cocky musicians clashing. "The Danes are quiet but Viktor learned early on that they are used to fighting."

Tom had an easier time dealing with the rowdier one fighting than when the calmer ones stirred up. They were usually harder to cool down and seemed to hold a grudge a little longer. "I don't think Viktor is used to people standing up to him."

Tom saw improvement though and noticed, these days, after an initial stand-off Viktor and the others like him were more likely to pack up with each other than continue to fight. That was a relief, usually.

"The Sterlings are both private men. It means a lot if they invite someone to stay in their private space." Tom knew this. Even he rarely got invitations to their homes, especially Rekker's.

"I can understand the need for privacy. Erik is indeed lucky as is Bjorn with his fiery ginger. Sometimes, I just want the company of the stars as I drink and gaze up into the black maw of space, hoping to drown out my fears and all the shit that fame throws on you."

Hjalmar often didn't speak about his fears and anxiety, which is why he drank. Fame could change a man and he didn't want to let it get to him but the pressure---sometimes it did. He had to keep up with all the other rock stars in the world and would surely be looked down upon if he didn't keep his image up. That's how it worked, wasn't it? The booze just eased all the anxiety away.

"My telescope keeps me sane at times."

"I did that a lot after I returned from my last mission." Drinking and a lot more honestly. "I hope you work out what is eating at you before you get as far down as I did."

It was an honest wish, spoken with a lot of care in his tone. He did notice Torden looking after the Swede, so maybe his experience with traumatized people could help. Who knew?

"Despite the headaches and annoyance; all of you keeping me busy helps my sanity."

"You did? I don't even know how to fucking deal with it to tell you the truth. Or what it even is that's the problem."

Hjalmar sighed and didn't want to talk about it anymore. He got hounded by Ragnar about his so called alcoholism, which he didn't think he had, because all rock stars drank including his prissy brother. Did he drink more? So what if he did.

"I want to star gaze more during this tour and see if I can get good night sky with less light pollution. Trying to find a clear night in LA is fucking hard with all the city glare."

Maybe higher ground away from the city lights would help. Having company around would improve the Swede's mood too.

"We all struggle at some point." Tom smiled. "Maybe that Dane of yours will help?"

Tom wasn't asking to talk more but trying to turn the Swede's thoughts to something better. Tom, as well as Damien and Robert, watched how the musicians interacted simply to know how to keep the peace.

"You should talk to Rekker or Devon. They know about the local state parks. I'm sure they'd have suggestions." Tom should ask them himself now that he thought about.

"Torden? He's helping in his own way I suppose. I'm not one to ask for help because I don't need it."

Hjalmar just got it into his head that his drinking wasn't such a big deal, even though others could see he was an alcoholic. He drank until he was passed out cold on the floor because he wanted all his problems to go away. It was an easy way out.

"I'll talk to Devon and Rekker. Just to get my telescope up onto high ground with a clear night's sky. Sometimes I can see Mars up close and it's so red like Ivar's lipstick."

The Swede smirked and realised he was one of the very few band members who wore make-up and lipstick. Perhaps not Fredrik but Ivar and Sven did.

Tom chuckled quietly. "He doesn't seem like the kind of man who will wait for you to ask."

Tom had noticed how the older Dane was a mother hen quite a lot. It wasn't a bad thing but he did look after a lot of people.

"The desert is great for stargazing since it is flat and away from the city." Tom mused that was true except once you got to Vegas. "The amount of make up on this tour could fill an entire shop."

How many of them toted around whole bags? At least half it felt like.

"I need to talk to Torden soon. About---my problems."

Hjalmar didn't want to admit it but he knew the time would come where the Dane would learn why the Swede drank as much as he did. The trauma and hurt he was going through causing the path of destruction he was on. Hjalmar rarely spoke about his feelings to anyone so it would take time.

"Fuck yes it could. I've seen some of the tarts' make-up bags and Aarne's. I don't know how they carry all that around with them."

It just seemed excessive to the guitarist.

"I'm sure whatever you need to talk about he'll help."

Tom could tell that the Swede was nervous and didn't want to press but he did want to encourage him. The Brit had been there before. He had spent a lot of time needing to talk and staying silent.

Hjalmar did get a laugh from the astronaut. "Ziggy used to live in my house." If anything said excessive make up and glitter that did. "He makes Mick carry his make up cases around."

"He's a good man and he's really grown on me. I think I might be falling in love with him."

The trashy drunk had slept with Torden and had cuddled with him and the other Danes but the feelings he was developing--they were real. It was becoming more than just sex now. The Dane was helping him sober up even though Hjalmar didn't think he needed that.

"I think I've seen Mick carry Ziggy's make-up box around. He's a good man. Salt of the earth sort and a good guitar player. He does flash his naked ass about when he gets trashed on Mule though."

That got Hjalmar grinning.

"The way he smiles when he sees you, I don't think you're alone." Tom watched how people reacted to each other. It had started to keep an eye on the strife between some members but he also noticed the good reactions too.

"I think Ziggy needs someone to keep him anchored.." Tom laughed. "But he couldn't have someone who was too stable." Tom knew Mick had a wild part that came out sometimes and it was good to see that he could be mischievous with Ziggy as well as a rock.

"I've never really fallen in love with a man before, not properly, just one night stands and sex. Torden is different. He really gives a shit about my life and my---problems."

Hjalmar had many lovers before but none of them gave a fuck about his life, who he was, or his problems with drinking. Most just slept with him for the fame, money or just for a good time.

"Mick is a good anchor. A down to earth sort of man and a caring one too. He's got his crazy side though--I've seen it when he drinks Mule and gets trashed. That stage sex performance too! Fuck! Were you in the crowd when that happened?"

Tom thought about what Hjalmar and what he was saying about the Dane. "In some ways he reminds me of Ziggy."

It was the way he had enough time and love for many people. The caring didn't seem to end or exhaust him too much.

Tom rolled his eyes and chuckled. "I was on the phone with the lawyers and media contacts."

"Ziggy is someone who has a lot of people to look after too. He seems to come across as someone who shares the love around."

Hjalmar had seen this in how he treated his band mates as well as other members of the tour. Mick was a lucky man to have Ziggy as his fiancee and band mate. The whole part about the stage sex though---that would always be burned into Hjalmar's mind when he watched it on TV.

"Do you have to warn the lawyers and everyone before everything kicks off?"

"It's a family trait." Tom thought that was the best way to explain it without revealing the alien part. "Torden acts the same. He cares for a lot of people."

Tom started to laugh. "I do my best. It's easier if I can get in front of the chaos before it gets too out of hand." Tom grinned mischievously. "I'm also very careful about how I write contracts for appearances."

Tom wrote in a lot of clauses that didn't let people prosecute for a lot of the common crazy things. Nudity being at the top of the list.

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Reach for the stars

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