I'm Gonna Crawl

[avlagsen_stjarna]

Nexus Prompt; 5. "I thought I was fine, but it turns out I've been aggressively lying to myself in trying to outrun my problems."

cw: alcohol abuse

Hjalmar rolled over and felt a hard object press into his back while on the floor. An empty glass bottle. Another one. How much had he drank? It had just been the one Jack Daniels bottle hadn't it? Joe had given him one back at the hotel bar. Where was he now? Why was the floor so hard and cold. Everywhere was cold. Was he outside?

Fuck.

The Swede was too paralytic to even get his legs to move where he wanted them to. His body was in a state of drowning. Powerless to move because of how much alcohol was now suffocating his body. He was completely wasted. Why? Why did he do this to himself? He had a problem, didn't he? But then all rock stars were like this and all drank. Joe, Aarne---they all got trashed but did they have a problem too? Hjalmar couldn't even think because he was so drunk.

He tried to get up and grab the nearest object, which was a cold metal railing. The floor was hard like concrete. He was outside and was this the car lot where the bus was parked? Fuck. Pulling himself up was useless as his legs wouldn't move and the world was now spinning. Giving up the Swede now rolled over onto his stomach, floundering on the ground like a beached whale. A very sick whale who was now heaving up the contents of his stomach onto the hard ground in front of him.

"Ngh---fuck---"

Not good. Shit. Maybe he'd drank more than he should. Of course he fucking had. Both his brothers told him he was a wasted drunk and should focus more on his music and star gazing then staring down into the pits of a booze bottle. Booze was like candy to the Swede and his main drug to let go of the pressures of being a rock star. Everyone did it.

"Torden---"

The world was consuming him as he felt worse than ever. Shit. A binge? A bad one. Throwing up once more Hjalmar knew this was bad.

Comments

[lynoprorer]

Ansgar was drunk out of his mind when Torden shooed him out of the bar to go back to the tour bus to sleep it off. He wasn't as drunk as usual since the Dane was grouchy tonight over something, worry probably. Sometimes Ansgar felt bad about worrying Torden so much but he couldn't control it. He had given up trying years ago.

For once, LA was cool in the evening after a couple days of rain so going outside felt nicer than usual. Ansgar was coming around the side of the building and saw someone prone not far from the bus. Silly drunks falling everywhere, though usually the Dane was one of them.

As he got closer he heard the sound of retching and worried because he had almost died that way one evening. Too drunk and stuck on his back. He hurried over and noticed it was Hjalmar, of course it was.

"Come on." He was kneeling down and tryign to make sure the Swede was in a position where nothing would go amiss even if Ansgar was struggling with his own drunk limbs.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

Hjalmar heard a voice but he didn't know which direction it was coming from. He was disorientated and very dizzy. Fuck, he felt sick as a dog. Moving toward the voice by rolling over onto his side the Swede squinted and saw Ansgar moving side to side. He was all fuzzy around the edges and nothing was in clear focus.

"Ansgar? Ungh---fuck---"

Pitching to his side once more, Hjalmar threw up and retched, feeling the acid burn his throat and his stomach lurch painfully. His feet moved slightly kicking aside two more empty booze bottles. Ivar's gut rot stickers firmly attached around the base. Wiping his mouth with the back of his arm Hjalmar was in a bad state.

"---is that you?"

[lynoprorer]

Ansgar had to struggle while kneeling there to get Hjalmar up on his knees and bent over which would be a bit safer. Ansgar had his share of vomiting episodes and tried to stay this way so he wouldn't choke.

"It's ok." The Dane supported the guitarist the best he could. "It's better to get it all out."

They were both going to need a shower after this but that didn't matter. Better to make sure the Swede didn't die.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

"Get it---all out. Yeah---"

Hjalmar understood that as he retched once more and nothing came out. His stomach was dry and his body was crying out for water. He was severely dehydrated and felt like utter shit. Usually, he was fine drinking copious amount and just slept it off but tonight he'd gone on a binge. Ragnar would surely give him ear ache if he found out about this.

"Torden---where is---where is he?"

The Swede knew he'd have to clean himself up and drink some water because that's what needed to happen but he couldn't walk. His legs refused to move. Fuck this.

"My legs won't work. So thirsty."

[lynoprorer]

One arm under Hjalmar's chest and the other petting his back while he was sick.

"Inside with the others." Ansgar glanced up at the bus and then at the Swede. He was wondering if he could carry the Swede inside.

"Let's go to the bus and clean up first." Ansgar knew water right now might trigger more illness. He shifted and got ready to pick up the Swede. He was pretty sure he could, even drunk. He didn't look much heavier than Mikkel and was certainly shorter.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

Groaning slightly, Hjalmar just nodded slowly since every head moment caused a wave of dizziness and nausea to come over him. This had to be Ivar's booze making him feel like total crap, surely. The Jack never affecting him like this. The Swede oblivious to just how much booze he had actually drunk.

"Ok--yeah--let's uh---let me try to walk."

The drunken Swede grateful for those drummer's arms aiding him in walking as he slowly made his way to towards the bus with his Dane help. What if Ansgar hadn't been here to help? Would he have choked on his own vomit? Hjalmar didn't want to think about that.

"Fuck, the floor is moving---"

[lynoprorer]

Ansgar was gentle but stumbled a little as they both stood up. He wasn't exactly sober either though he was less so than the Swede.

"Close your eyes if that helps." Ansgar was falling back on what Torden had told him to do in similar situations, at least what he remembered of them anyway. He would get the Swede back on the bench and help him undress. They both should at this point probably.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

"Close my eyes? Yeah---ok"

Hjalmar did just that as he walked slowly with the Dane, careful not to trip or fall because that would be total bullshit. How much had he even drank? Fuck knew. The Swede clutched onto Ansgar's arm a little tighter than usual because of his trashed state.

"Ungh---I feel so fucking awful. Why do I feel like someone has hit me in the back of the head with a jack hammer? This doesn't usually happen."

Ivar's gutrot was extra strong due to a new batch he'd developed in the last few days. It had caught out Hjalmar who was used to heavy drinking usually.

[lynoprorer]

Ansgar carefully got Hjalmar to the bus in the kitchen area where there wasn't any carpet.

"You drank even more than me." Ansgar pointed out while wondering how he was going to get the Swede in the shower.

"Sit down here on the floor so we can get your clothes off and a shower." He realized he was going to have to get into the shower too probably.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

"I can't---I can't fucking remember."

Hjalmar had drank himself into the deep, dark depths of oblivion because he'd been overcome with emotion and anxiety. He couldn't deal with his problems so booze was the only answer because it was a quick and easy way out. Sliding down to the floor carefully, Hjalmar groaned a little because his stomach was painful and ached.

"Fuck. I feel like total shit."

[lynoprorer]

"It's ok. I don't always remember." Ansgar had thought he had a drinking problem, and he did, but Hjalmar took it to an even farther extreme.

Once the Swede was safely sitting, Ansgar fumbled with his own clothing to get it off. He tossed it aside and then knelt down, almost falling over, to help the guitarist.

"We need to get your close off so we can shower."

[avlagsen_stjarna]

Hjalmar just frowned and swallowed dryly. He had to get his clothes off somehow through his drunken haze. This wasn't going to be as easy as usual because his body was almost in shut down mode and he'd just blacked out then thrown up.

"Yeah---I'm trying."

The Swede fiddled with his belt buckle but his fingers weren't working so well since his coordination was all over the place.

"Fuck. I can't get my belt off."

[lynoprorer]

"Shhhh." Ansgar sat down beside the guitarist and moved his hands away. "I'll take care of it. You just stay awake."

The Dane smiled and though his coordination was off it was still better than Hjalmar's. He slowly worked the shirt off, the belt and the shoes. He would have to get Hjalmar on his feet to get the pants off though.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

The Swede sighed, nodding, knowing it was best to let the Dane undress him, or at least cope with the fiddly parts of his clothing. He felt so bad he didn't even have the strength to make a joke about it all.

"I'm staying awake. Just. I bet you fiddle with that Brit bassist's belt like this."

Hjalmar managed to make a joke to try and lift his spirits through his trashed state, though it was hard because all he wanted to do was pass out.

[lynoprorer]

Ansgar got them undone and started sliding off the guitarist's pants.

"Torden's the one with all the belts, as you know." Ansgar grinned and kissed his cheek before working to get the Swede back up on his feet.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

Hjalmar wiggled slightly so that Ansgar could pull his pants down. The Swede wasn't wearing any underwear so this made it a little easier getting the drunk guitarist naked. The kiss to the cheek was cute and Hjalmar knew all about Torden's belts.

"That man and his belts. Don't I fucking know it. Ungh---I feel like I'm going to throw up."

The Swede wincing but managing not to throw up.

[lynoprorer]

Ansgar smiled but it faded. "We can go to the toilet first."

It might be better if the Swede did throw up. It would help him feel better but the Dane would help him either way.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

"Yeah I---fuck I need to throw up into the toilet---"

Hjalmar groaned and needed help to walk to the toilet because he didn't want to slip and fall in his state. Fuck, why did he feel so rough? He'd overdone it with the booze and he didn't need his brothers finding out about this because he knows Ragnar would be upset.

"This is fucking bullshit---"

The Swede not wanting to miss the toilet when his stomach did give up it's contents.

[lynoprorer]

"I've got you." Ansgar helped him up and toward the bathroom. He knew this was the best.

Kneeling down beside Hjalmar, he held the guitarist's hair back while he emptied his stomach. He stroked the Swede's back and waited for as long as it would take.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

Hjalmar emptied his stomach and then groaned a few times before eventually finishing. There couldn't be anymore left inside, could there? Fuck. He was grateful for the Dane being here with him because he didn't know what would happen if Ansgar hadn't found him the way he had.

"--thanks. I think I've finished throwing up now."

Maybe a shower would help.

[lynoprorer]

"It's alright." Ansgar used some of the toilet tissue to wipe up the Swede's mouth and then flushed the toilet.

He needed a moment himself because he's drunk but eventually he helped Hjalmar to his feet.

"Let's get a shower and then something for your stomach." He's patient with the Swede while helping him.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

"Yeah---it should help."

Hjalmar knew this couldn't be much fun for the Dane having to wipe his mouth and care for him like this but the Swede was paralytic and sick. He couldn't really do much for himself at all right now.

"What do you think will help my stomach? It feels like someone's kicked it with a metal boot."

[lynoprorer]

"We have some things from Denmark for this." Ansgar helped Hjalmar into the shower. He would start with the water warm but slowly move it to cold to help out with sobering the Swede up.

"We'll go to bed after."

[avlagsen_stjarna]

"Danish food? If it'll help I won't say no."

Ansgar got drunk a lot, didn't he? So, maybe the Danes had a secret in staving off killer hangovers and sickness. Hjalmar wanted all the help he could get right now so accepted Ansgar's offer.

"Bed sounds a good idea. Better than falling into the flowers with watering can boy."

Hoe in the flowers.

[lynoprorer]

"It's a drink." Ansgar mentioned as he rinsed the Swede off. The drink was specifically to help with drunken sickness because it had electrolytes and sugar to help with dehydration.

"We don't need to make Tom angry again." He smiled and started rinsing the Swede's hair.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

"A drink sounds a better option than food right now because I don't want to throw it back up."

Hjalmar just closed his eyes and allowed Ansgar to rinse his hair off. He must look like a fucking zombie right now. Making Tom angry was the worse thing anyone could do because the Swede knew what the outcome of that usually was.

"Ziggy's old man kicked our asses."

[lynoprorer]

"It will help. We'll eat in the morning."

Ansgar finished up and then turned off the water so he could dry the Swede.

"I hear he has a temper like the rest of the old me." Ansgar didn't mind because he knew so many must drive them out of their mind.

[avlagsen_stjarna]

"Yeah---in the morning. I can't eat or drink anything at the minute because I will throw up."

Hjalmar kept his balance while Ansgar got a towel to dry him off. The Dane really was a sweetheart and he could see why Torden cuddled up and looked after him too. Tom's temper though---that was legendary.

"I heard he floored that fucking punk Brit on his ass. This was before I arrived on the tour."

[lynoprorer]

"We'll drink a little before sleep." Ansgar knew that the Swede would feel awful in the morning.

Ansgar got the Swede dry and then smiled. "Let's go sit on the bed."

He would help Hjalmar over and then get him the Danish drink because they all swore by it saving you from a hangover.

"Him and Rik both. It was pretty bad from what Rik said." Ansgar had heard about it and would have slugged the Brit too if he had been around.