When the past comes to haunt you
Nov. 5th, 2023 06:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
avlagsen_stjarnacw: trauma, injury and death.
Hjalmar didn't even know he was tossing and turning in his sleep, now leaving wet marks on the sheets from where he was sweating. The boy was having a nightmare because he was re-living his trauma. The reason why he drank himself into oblivion most days, ending up sick and depressed. The night his best friend and band mate died.
"Come on Hjalmar, pass the booze."
Nils shoved Hjalmar then stole the bottle off his friend as they drove along in the car down the busy Stockholm streets. It was dark because they were performing at a local club, just starting out as a rock band. They didn't even have a proper name yet and just called themselves "The Boys." It wasn't imaginative at all but it was something. Ticket sales were never great at these local clubs because not many people showed up. Still, Nils, Hjalmar, Benji and Markus were in the car speeding along enjoying themselves.
"You reckon anyone will show up tonight? We're all fucking smashed so we might play shit."
Nils just trying to focus on the road as his vision was now blurring due to the drugs and booze in his system. Should he be driving? No. The others were even more drunk than he was. Hjalmar was laughing and poking Benji, who was their drummer, sitting at the back with Markus, who was their bassist. Nils, was vocalist and very drunk.
"Fuck off will we be shit---"
Markus frowning at that just as he shoved Hjalmar from behind, causing him to nearly fall into Nils. There was an oncoming truck turning just as the car full of drunk rock stars came hammering along the road too fast. Much too fast. Hjalmar's eyes went wide just as he realised Nils was on the wrong side of the road. Fuck!
"Nils, you're on the wrong side of the fucking road! That truck it's too close---fuck, Nils what are you?--"
Hjalmar's words were cut off as there was no time. The car clipped the side of the truck and flipped over, scraping it's roof along the road as all rockstars tumbled inside, shouting, screaming. The sound of fear. No one was wearing a seatbelt. Hjalmar felt everything go black as a loud thump smacked inside his head. Then, the hot heat came and the searing pain. His vision went dark and the smashing of glass could be heard before everything went dark.
***
Sirens. Lots of blue light and sirens. Noise. Was he alive? Hjalmar couldn't move. He was strapped to a board and looking up at the pitch black sky. He couldn't hear. Had he gone deaf? His body felt dead. Oh fuck. Was he dying? There was pain all over but his head felt like a brick. He passed out again.
***
A hospital. He opened his eyes and saw a white ceiling but it was all blurry. Everything was blurry but he could hear voices. Lots of voices. Beeping. It was coming from the machine he was hooked up to. The pain had gone though and he was slowly coming to. Where was the car? Where were his band mates? He realised he was in a hospital bed and was plugged in to a monitor. Fuck! The guitarist had no words because all he could remember was that big truck turning onto the road---coming towards them but---they were going too fast and had clipped the side, flipping the car.
"Am I alive?"
Hjalmar felt like he was talking to himself. The words came out but he felt like this wasn't real. A doctor now coming to his bedside, checking on his vitals and replacing fluid in the IV bag hooked up to his left arm.
"Mr. Falkenberg? You're lucky to be alive. Your other friends in the car narrowly avoided losing their lives but they are stable. But---"
Hjalmar panicked, feeling he couldn't breathe. No! Fuck no---
"Where are they? Nils? Markus, Benji---they were in the car with me, they---"
The doctor placed a hand on Hjalmar's arm, comforting but looking rather sad. The poor young man.
"Benji and Markus are alive. They sustained broken bones and a bad concussion but they are alive. Nils, I am sorry, Hjalmar. But, Nils did not make it. He died instantly at the wheel with a broken neck. The paramedics did their best to revive him but there was nothing they could do."
Hjalmar felt his heart drop into his feet. This was bullshit! No! Fuck NO! Nils, he---he couldn't die. He was the band's singer. Hjalmar's best friend---no. Oh gods no.
"He's----dead?"
The doctor nodded solemnly.
Hjalmar had been the one passing the booze around the car, giving Nils gulps of it at the wheel and now he was dead.
***
"NO! NILS! The truck----it's coming! You're on the wrong side of the fucking road---you're--"
Hjalmar was now screaming in his sleep, yanking at the sheets, sweating feverish and mumbling.
Hjalmar didn't even know he was tossing and turning in his sleep, now leaving wet marks on the sheets from where he was sweating. The boy was having a nightmare because he was re-living his trauma. The reason why he drank himself into oblivion most days, ending up sick and depressed. The night his best friend and band mate died.
"Come on Hjalmar, pass the booze."
Nils shoved Hjalmar then stole the bottle off his friend as they drove along in the car down the busy Stockholm streets. It was dark because they were performing at a local club, just starting out as a rock band. They didn't even have a proper name yet and just called themselves "The Boys." It wasn't imaginative at all but it was something. Ticket sales were never great at these local clubs because not many people showed up. Still, Nils, Hjalmar, Benji and Markus were in the car speeding along enjoying themselves.
"You reckon anyone will show up tonight? We're all fucking smashed so we might play shit."
Nils just trying to focus on the road as his vision was now blurring due to the drugs and booze in his system. Should he be driving? No. The others were even more drunk than he was. Hjalmar was laughing and poking Benji, who was their drummer, sitting at the back with Markus, who was their bassist. Nils, was vocalist and very drunk.
"Fuck off will we be shit---"
Markus frowning at that just as he shoved Hjalmar from behind, causing him to nearly fall into Nils. There was an oncoming truck turning just as the car full of drunk rock stars came hammering along the road too fast. Much too fast. Hjalmar's eyes went wide just as he realised Nils was on the wrong side of the road. Fuck!
"Nils, you're on the wrong side of the fucking road! That truck it's too close---fuck, Nils what are you?--"
Hjalmar's words were cut off as there was no time. The car clipped the side of the truck and flipped over, scraping it's roof along the road as all rockstars tumbled inside, shouting, screaming. The sound of fear. No one was wearing a seatbelt. Hjalmar felt everything go black as a loud thump smacked inside his head. Then, the hot heat came and the searing pain. His vision went dark and the smashing of glass could be heard before everything went dark.
***
Sirens. Lots of blue light and sirens. Noise. Was he alive? Hjalmar couldn't move. He was strapped to a board and looking up at the pitch black sky. He couldn't hear. Had he gone deaf? His body felt dead. Oh fuck. Was he dying? There was pain all over but his head felt like a brick. He passed out again.
***
A hospital. He opened his eyes and saw a white ceiling but it was all blurry. Everything was blurry but he could hear voices. Lots of voices. Beeping. It was coming from the machine he was hooked up to. The pain had gone though and he was slowly coming to. Where was the car? Where were his band mates? He realised he was in a hospital bed and was plugged in to a monitor. Fuck! The guitarist had no words because all he could remember was that big truck turning onto the road---coming towards them but---they were going too fast and had clipped the side, flipping the car.
"Am I alive?"
Hjalmar felt like he was talking to himself. The words came out but he felt like this wasn't real. A doctor now coming to his bedside, checking on his vitals and replacing fluid in the IV bag hooked up to his left arm.
"Mr. Falkenberg? You're lucky to be alive. Your other friends in the car narrowly avoided losing their lives but they are stable. But---"
Hjalmar panicked, feeling he couldn't breathe. No! Fuck no---
"Where are they? Nils? Markus, Benji---they were in the car with me, they---"
The doctor placed a hand on Hjalmar's arm, comforting but looking rather sad. The poor young man.
"Benji and Markus are alive. They sustained broken bones and a bad concussion but they are alive. Nils, I am sorry, Hjalmar. But, Nils did not make it. He died instantly at the wheel with a broken neck. The paramedics did their best to revive him but there was nothing they could do."
Hjalmar felt his heart drop into his feet. This was bullshit! No! Fuck NO! Nils, he---he couldn't die. He was the band's singer. Hjalmar's best friend---no. Oh gods no.
"He's----dead?"
The doctor nodded solemnly.
Hjalmar had been the one passing the booze around the car, giving Nils gulps of it at the wheel and now he was dead.
***
"NO! NILS! The truck----it's coming! You're on the wrong side of the fucking road---you're--"
Hjalmar was now screaming in his sleep, yanking at the sheets, sweating feverish and mumbling.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 06:45 pm (UTC)He heard Hjalmar tossing in the other room which wasn't always unusual for someone who would probably wake with a hangover. Still he came in to check on the guitarist when he started hearing him talking in his sleep. Then the screaming.
Torden sat down on the bedside and gently shook Hjalmar. "Wake up, sweetheart."
He's hoping that he wakes up because this is obvious a nightmare.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 06:48 pm (UTC)Torden.
The Swede felt his chest hurt because he couldn't breathe well. Was he having a panic attack? Possibly. He still hadn't opened his eyes and was just going on touch and smell alone. He didn't want to open his eyes because then he'd seen Nils dead on the hospital bed.
"No---I---it's all my fault."
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 06:54 pm (UTC)"Shhhh." Torden rocked the crying guitarist gently. He's used to these words too. Ansgar said the same things through his nightmares too. The blame and self hate that came with trauma was something that Torden knew how to comfort.
"It's just a nightmare." Torden held him and waited for Hjalmar to calm down. He could feel the shaking and gasping of a panic attack. Ansgar had those too, unfortunately.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 06:56 pm (UTC)"Torden?---"
The Swede's voice came out as a husky whisper, hands still clutched onto the Dane's clothes. His breathing erratic and he was disorientated to where he was right now.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 06:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 07:01 pm (UTC)"A nightmare----Nils---he died."
The Swede mumbled words in his own tongue and then looked up to Torden.
"I haven't spoken about this to anyone. No one knows except my brothers."
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 07:04 pm (UTC)"I don't know who that is." Torden admitted because Hjalmar had never spoke about it. "Do you want to talk?"
Torden would be there for anything that his partner needed but it sounded like talking might be worthwhile.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 07:08 pm (UTC)"I need to smoke first."
His nerves were shot as he reached out with a shaking hand to try and pull a smoke from the packet but dropping them all over the floor.
"Fuck---"
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 07:10 pm (UTC)He pressed a kiss to Hjalmar's forehead and once the guitarist calmed some would reach down and pick up the spilled smokes.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 07:13 pm (UTC)Hjalmar nodded and just wanted to snuggle with Torden because he felt safe. They weren't in a hospital and this was the apartment complex. How long ago had the accident happened? Five years ago now. Hjalmar was 20 when the crash happened.
"Thanks for being here with me."
The Swede felt like he had to say it.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 07:17 pm (UTC)That was honest and not something Torden often said. However, he did. Anyone close enough to stay around was someone Torden adored.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 07:21 pm (UTC)Hjalmar realised he wasn't wearing any clothes and was cold and clammy with sweat. He pushed some of the damp hair from his face and nuzzled into Torden's neck. The Dane was nice and warm anyway.
"I think I'll have that smoke now."
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 07:24 pm (UTC)The guitarist needed to relax and needed some TLC too. "I have some thing that will help." Torden had some of Lars' bubble bath for calming which would come in handy now.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 07:28 pm (UTC)Hjalmar looked up at Torden and managed to crack a small smile. That might help. The Swede wiping at his face and lighting up his smoke, taking a few deep drags before sighing.
"Yeah, I don't want to think about the nightmare."
He kissed Torden on the jaw and then finished his smoke.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 07:30 pm (UTC)Torden stroked his hair and then set the Swede on the bed. "Why don't you relax and I'll get you a bath started."
no subject
Date: 2023-11-06 09:47 pm (UTC)"Ok, I'll do that."
The guitarist sighed and laid on the bed while Torden got the bath started for them both. Fuck it. Why did the nightmare have to come back now? After all these years the memories had been repressed or at least Hjalmar wanted them to be, just shoved into a deep, dark pit somewhere.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-07 01:51 am (UTC)After the bath was filled and smelling nice with a bubble bath Torden rejoined the guitarist on the bed. "Are you ready for a bath?"
He pushed Hjalmar's wavy hair out of his eyes. The Dane looking to take care of his partner.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-15 09:03 pm (UTC)The Swede pulled himself off the bed and stepped into the bathroom, immediately inhaling the scents of the bubble bath. It smelt really nice and managed to get a small smile out of the tired guitarist.
"You're too fucking nice to people, you know that?"
Hjalmar shook his head but was smiling underneath his black mass of hair.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-16 02:05 am (UTC)"Only the ones I like." Torden slipped away to pull off his clothes so they could get into the tub. The Dane was looking forward to relaxing in the tub himself, as much as he hoped for Hjalmar to get some relaxation too.